Song of the Day

The other day I was thinking about the rise of AI about as much as everyone else, which is to say “boy that’s interesting, but somebody’s gotta pay these bills and do these dishes in the meantime.” (The theme to the 70’s TV show “Alice” was also playing in my head.)

Specifically, while doing said dishes I was listening to a report on how some companies are trying to make AI chatbots of the dead by feeing a bunch of previous communications into a model (Black Mirror anyone?) As a result, the computer would be able to “speak” in that person’s voice.

But do we really need this?

This made me realize that we each do this every day. When I’m at a moral crossroad, I take myself back to the kitchen table at my grandparents’ house in Milwaukee and I can hear my grandfather softly call me by my middle name (always, except the one day he didn’t) telling me that I already know the answer and I’m only pretending that I don’t.

No OpenAI. No subscription money for a venture capital-backed, Silicon Valley startup. No trading away privacy for a service that takes more from us than it gives in return.

My ancient Egyptian friends said you die twice. Once when you take your final breath, and then again the last time someone says your name. So if we are living full and rich lives (which has nothing whatsoever to do with the amassing of worldly possessions), AI immortality is utterly worthless because long after we are gone, there will be others sharing tales of our interactions. Although I hope mine will begin with “the coolest Mofo I ever met …”, I’m pretty sure just as many will deservedly begin with “I knew this SoB in LA, and man, that cat was a piece of work!”

Either way, it’s all good. Just remember to go out today and do something to earn that immortality. Maybe pay for the coffee for the person in line behind you (always feels good and never gets old). Maybe tell that guy who dials into the weekly staff meeting that you really appreciate his insight. Or just pause for a moment, look someone in the eye, and say “Thank you” and really invest the words with meaning.

We don’t need AI to remember us. We can do that ourselves. And to help you with this task, here is a SoD to get you in the groove. Excellent for singing in the car (and remember to grab that brush or comb as a microphone, because a good torch song demands it!)

Oh, and let me be the first to say it to you today for all the reasons both you and I know it matters: Thank You.

https://open.spotify.com/track/3NElqDNNnzvWYOwsbxLQKN?si=K8_BBn4tRGOr44lfrWLUbQ

“There are so many ways to “f” this up.”

That was the first line I wrote this morning as I begun writing my speech to present this year’s Engineers’ Council Project of the Year Award next Saturday. (The award goes to the Artemis I Industrial Team, by the way.)

I found this ironic, because I’m sure that, at some level, that team had the same feeling as they began their technical journey so many years ago.

But my challenge is more or less an amplified version of one that I face everyday; how do I give the moment the proper mix of oomph, pizzaz, and pomp without giving it too much “Stephen.” You see, I live with me all the time, and Lordy Lordy I know that sometimes being around me can be like trying to spice up a dish with a little pepper, only to have the lid fall off and be left with a heaping mound of pepper and a ruined dish.

But damn it if I don’t love pepper! So I always give it a try!

But that led me to a different thought, which was that I was falling into a different trap. No, I’m not starting a land war on the Asian subcontinent. The trap it was falling into was hubris. (Side note: For me, this is like walking into a room with 100 trap doors, where 75 of them say “hubris,” and the other 25 read “fear.”)

Let me explain why this is a trap in this case: First, let’s pick a random number. I chose 45. Now think back to the dinner you ate 45 days ago. Was it good or bad? Best meal you’ve ever eaten? Maybe it was just a protein bar and a bottle of water?

The point is that whatever you thought about it then, assuming it didn’t give you food poisoning, that impression and memory was relegated to “standard day” status and filed away. Never to be considered again, unless you return to the same restaurant or encounter some other related stimulus.

So for me to think my speech will be anything other than that…that’s the sound of the latch on the trap door opening beneath me.

But I have to be honest with myself (doesn’t it kinda suck that this phrase exists?) I do want to be more than “standard day.” I want people to tug at my arm and say “good job.” And although I’ve been on this planet for more than a half century, I still always hope for the ultimate accolade: someone to call my mom and tell her that her son did well.

So the goal, I think is balance. I need the hubris to power the belief and overpower the fear, but I need the caution to keep it all in check.

And in the final analysis, that probably what we all need everyday. That mix of unlimited confidence in ourselves (and yes, sometimes unearned) tempered with a healthy dash of humility.

I have to chuckle because recently it seems that the Rat Pack had all this figured out for me back in the 50’s and 60’s. I just had to listen closer! So today’s Song of the Day is from my good friend Sammy Davis, Jr. (And you better be singing along!)

And I know that I’m late to Valentine’s Day, but remember that Stephen will buy you a box of chocolate 365 days a year! (But not on a leap day, because that’s overdoing it.)

https://youtu.be/OXYndNL4Mu8?si=2YOybXzFD0BBXAp4

One of my favorite phrases that I’ve adopted from “the youth” (search for “Steve Buschemi Fellow Kids” to get the right vibe), is the phrase “today years old.” What I love about it is a built in meaning culpa about not previously knowing something that the speaker is either assumed to have known or they are ashamed of not knowing.

Well tonight, I found myself lying in bed listening to the music of Ennio Morricone, took me back to one of the great movies of my childhood, the Sergio Leone classic, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”

This movie, the third of the “Man With No Name Trilogy,” (the other two being “A Fistful of Dollars” and “A Few Dollars More), loomed large for me because is was so hard to watch. Not in a cinematic evaluation sense, but in a pre-cable TV, pre-VCR access challenge sort of way. It was only on as “The Late Late Movie” or “The Movie of the Week” a few times per year. Add in the fact that it has a two hour and forty one minute runtime, you can understand why 12 year old me had a tough time both staying up to midnight when the movie started and then managing to get through a very slowly paced, almost three hour flick.

All of this matters because as a result, I was probably in grad school before technology and free-time converged for me to watch the entire movie. But in the meantime, I had become a huge Clint Eastwood fan, which of course led me to assume that he was the protagonist in this story.

I was today years old when I realized that he wasn’t.

Now keep in mind that I’ve since seen this movie over 20 times and even reference it when I’m teaching (“there are two kinds of people in this word…” Google it.)

Here was the epiphany: Clint Eastwood was not “the Good”, Lee Van Cleef was not “the Bad, and Eli Wallach was not “the Ugly.” Nope. When you watch the movie, you realize that each if them has all three qualities. Each does some downright noble things as well as some shockingly shitty things. (Caution: the humor in this movie, when it appears, is as dark as it comes.)

The penultimate scene is a proverbial “Mexican standoff.” (See Shanghai Noon for the best quote on this.) But what the viewer realizes is that it’s actually a metaphor for a battle that gets waged and re-waged inside each of us: who are we going to be now?

I’ll admit it, I know I’m capable of astounding acts of generosity, and then my capriciousness gets loose and I am the most selfish SOB in town (in fact the movie pretty much ends with those very words).

I’m not sure “the Good” can always win those battles. But maybe it’s enough that we want it to be like that and that “the Good” within us keeps at least a 50% + 1 edge.

It’s definitely given me something to ponder this week. Also, it’s got me thinking about how I’d look with a duster and a flat brim cowboy hat (and nowhere to wear them!). 

So while you’re looking inward to see which part of this triad is winning your battles, and what if anything you are going to do about it, please enjoy this SoD. If it makes you want to ride down to Texas, blame Sergio Leone. But if it makes you thirsty for a cold cerveza, blame Modelo for using it in their ads. (Bien jugado, Señor.)

https://youtu.be/PYI09PMNazw?si=uxLyaklYQKwGkVx-

It might be a stretch to say we’ve all been there, but I’m fairly confident that we all have. There is that moment where you look around and realize that other than taking down the Cobra Kai, most or all of the checkboxes that 12 year old me (or 18, 25, or 40 year old me; you decide) have been checked.

And then you’re left with a “Huh…now what?”

I had this moment recently (FLEX ALERT!) while on a train from Paris to Mannheim. As I ate my pretzel and drank my beer, suddenly a two key lyrics from a Talking Heads song popped into my head:

• You may say to yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”
• You may say to yourself, “My god! What have I done!”

But first a note of caution! I’m old enough to not get carried away with the thoughts in my head like a twenty-something might. I know the combination of a good beer, the gentle sway of a train traveling at 175 mph, and insanely effective noise cancelling headphones can lure one’s mind into almost a lucid dream state where all sorts of craziness can occur. So my response to this, instead of soul gripping panic, was to whisper to myself, “Pass auf! Es kann später einen test geben.” (Pay attention! There may be a test later.)

I realized that, without really noticing it, I had entered the “change direction / all skate” part of my life. (If you haven’t been roller skating in awhile, you may have forgotten how that works. At some time period known only to the rink master, all the action on the rink would change. Maybe it’s couples. Maybe next is Slow Skate. Now it’s Ladies Choice. Etcetera.)

I’m the first to admit that I’ve spent most of my adult life pursuing what my father called “the long dollar,” but now I’m almost to the next stage of life (where “almost” means 9 more tuition payments where they grab me by the lapels, slap me around, and take the money out of my wallet (including the sawbuck I have folded behind my driver’s license).

But what is that stage? What’s next?

I realized that the end of the pandemic was also the end of an external framework for living. We might not have liked it, but it did create a very clear way of understanding what was going on around us. I think I may have been leaning on it as I planned my path forward. (Since I can’t do this because of the pandemic, I’ll do that instead.)

I realized, “Oh, one of my major excuse engines is gone! I can go to the gym whenever I please. Visiting someone is as easy as driving across town or hopping on a plane.”

In other words, the reality that was and is always with us, reasserted itself. All the things we do and don’t do, are choices we make. Always have been. Always will be. And excuses will always be like bellybuttons.

So I thought about this on the train, and I remembered something else. A quote from somewhere that read “I’m not lost. I’m on my way.”

That was comforting. It reminded me that life is a grand journey of discovery. And while having direction can be good (“Go west, young man!”), it’s also valuable to occasionally just see where the road takes you.

I verified this idea by doing a simple mental exercise. I thought back to September 1986, when I finished Boot Camp and was about to begin my freshman year at UCSB. And I thought “how many people (not counting relatives) are in my life now that were also in my life then?

The answer? One. Isn’t that a hoot! While on this journey that I tricked myself into thinking was part of a plan, but was in reality just a series of structured random decisions, I managed to enrich my life with all of the people I know today, plus some who just shared part of the journey with me before turning down a side path to their destiny.

So that’s the spirit I’m beginning my week.

We might not fully understand what’s going on. While looking out the window, the terrain may seem unfamiliar. The people we interact with may speak with different accents and view the world through different lenses and experiences. But know this: We are not lost.

We are on the way.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Bquq67ADd1s&si=WLRs--OkOHfxCFGU

https://youtu.be/BSfpoSrCGsQ

Good morning!

My first car was a used (of course) 1973 Oldsmobile Starfire. So many stories to tell about that car, but it taught many life lessons. One of the most important was to take my time, read the book, focus on what needs to be done, and it will all work out in the end.

Since I was mostly broke in high school (of course), whenever this car needed maintenance, it was up to me. Unfortunately, I was not a “car guy.” But fortunately I had four aces up my sleeve: a ridiculously indomitable and unfounded belief in my own capabilities, a bus stop only a half-mile away, the ability to read and understand English, and a wealth of time.

As it turns out, with those four aces, almost any problem was solvable. Many a weekend was spent taking the bus to Pep Boys or walking to Pick-A-Part after reading and re-reading the Chilton’s Guide for my vehicle.

For every problem, if I just applied these four resources, eventually my car (affectionately named “The White Shadow”) would roar back to life and carry me forward on more adventures.

Yesterday, while sitting in my palatial cubicle, I heard that engine fire to life again. I’d been feeling it for the past couple of weeks, but for some reason, it became full throttle yesterday. And let me tell you, it was such a good feeling. A tickling down my spine. Feeling my weight shift to my toes as opposed to my heels.

No mistaking it. I’m back.

But the lesson I took out of it was that after almost four decades, nothing really changed about the fundamentals. Although shakey at times, I never completely lost faith in my competency and abilities. Although I can be an impatient cuss, I stuck to my belief that I had to let time run its course. Although my American spirit tells me the same lie of “individual achievement” as my fellow citizens, I realized that just like access to a bus stop, I needed to access the resources around me to move forward. And most importantly, I needed to rely heavily on the under appreciated super power of reading to stuff some new nuggets of knowledge in my noggin (i.e. “what got me here won’t get me there.”

So yeah…feelin’ like I’m starting my day with a big bowl of “Badass: The Breakfast Cereal (now with 25% more bran!). So today’s SoD is kind of a classic shout out, but with a twist.

And although we may not have been happy when we heard him say it, maybe we all should steal a line from Senor Vader today: “Once I was the student, now I am the Master!”

But hey, don’t let it go to your head.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5dPIeqtqfzvo812mj1FgZm?si=7fE2g60nQNS286lui961Hw

Good morning!

No missive today. I just want to share the vibe.

Okay, a mini-missive: you know when you have a big problem rattling around in your noggin. One that makes your brain kind of like a marble maze, in that you know that the solution is locked away in the recesses of your mind. You just have to turn the knobs to move the marble through the maze until it drops in the correct hole.

That was my challenge all weekend, and this morning while out on an early AM walk, I finally got the marble through the maze and figured out the solution to my challenge.

So this SoD is how I’m stepping off into the world today. And I’m case you forgot, “wax on, wax off.” (And if you don’t know, ask Larry and Sergey.)

BTW, you’re gonna own this week. I can feel it!

https://open.spotify.com/track/0vARNxt3CR2KXmTUEnumlN?si=9bTR8bm_TXae6HViPHTu8Q

So about hitting the steel…

It’s been many moons since I’ve worked out in a commercial gym, especially in the morning before heading into work. And of course, there was a lesson waiting for me.

Let’s be clear: I did hit the steel and my body was none too pleased (Oh! This again, Stephen? Really?) But the lesson came in the locker room.

When I was last at the gym, I was a big bag guy. Extra shirts, wrist and knee straps, technobaubles. The whole megillah.

And I hated working out. So much fuss.

But the old guys would just come in, knock out their sets, hit the showers, and get on with it.

Which brings us to the ziploc bag.

Turns out, I’m the old guy at the gym now. Bag just big enough to hold my shoes, a towel, and a minimal shower kit. In fact, I just carried what I needed in a Ziploc bag. Because nobody really cared. And I had a blast.

Guess what? Nobody was ever really paying as much attention to me as I thought. So that whole big bag thing was kind of a waste.

What if I had paid more attention to enjoying myself back then? I kinda missed out on some joy due to my own shortsightedness. Trust me, I’m not making that mistake this time! I’m reminded of something one of my smarter friends, Gautama Buddha said: “Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do.”

Wise, huh? So today’s SoD is something that helps me keep that in mind. And it’s a perfectly mellow groove for a Monday morning.

BTW, give big handfuls of candy tonight. We could all use a treat right about now. And if nobody is around, treat yourself!

https://open.spotify.com/track/6fTLJIwAPfCI7mAx0HigFu?si=tm7iLqTwTpOkT0tsoFq7ig

Some days, you put on a little Nat King Cole, read a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and all that needs to be said has been said.

No need to take names today. Just kick ass!

https://open.spotify.com/track/4QxDOjgpYtQDxxbWPuEJOy?si=_rQEo5cdSAC-8Y8p2p-ZEw

I haven’t put digit to touchscreen for quite awhile, so let’s see how this goes. :-)

I recently had occasion to unfold that life map I keep stored in my noggin (right next to the red safe marked “do not open” because it is used to store my repressed memories and the bitterest of resentments).

As I looked at the map and found the “You Are Here” sticker, I realized that most of my most cherished memories were not moments of great public triumph, but rather often pairwise interactions. Conversations over cups of coffee or adult beverages. Walks down paths. Sits on park benches or comfy couches.

What I was left with was the insight that I already knew: I’m a wealthy man and I have what I need. Not wealthy in a base monetary sense; the fellas at Internal Revenue know that. But rather in terms of meaningful life interactions that are the true value proposition of living on a rocky planet in a minor solar system.

The funny thing about my life map is that it no longer has arrows that point along paths. Instead it just has a table that says “more of this and less of that.” More “thank you’s.” More can “I help you’s.” More “I appreciate you’s.”

It’s hard to describe, but I honestly feel like this approach, in conjunction with retiring my quest to regain my crown as the pettiest man in America has really done my heart good.

[News Flash: As of today, I hereby officially forgive Jeff Waters and Ken Okamoto for not letting me sit in the shaded alcove with them on my first day of first grade. Yes, it was a slight that stung, but it was either an act of ignorance or a lack of graciousness, both of which I must assume they have rectified in the 48 intervening years.]

My challenge for you today is to go forth and do likewise. When you have that next hot cup of joe with a friend, stay in that moment and savor your good fortune for what you bring to their life and them to yours. Throw away the cards you use to keep score of beefs and grievances, especially since the only way to cash them in is in exchange for part of your soul.

And hold that next hug or handshake a wee bit longer, because that’s a feeling we all should be trying to steal a little extra of. And if you forget any or all of this, I hope the SoD nudges you back on the path.

BTW, I cherish all the time we’ve spent together, and am always looking forward to the next time. 🙂

https://youtu.be/jv9sDn_2XkI

In 1986, I needed one more elective to complete my spring class schedule for my senior year of high school. I wanted to take photography, but the class was listed as full. However, I was told that if the teacher, Mr. Alvarez allowed it, I could still sign up.

So another aspiring student (Tomeka, who was probably one of the first of many life lessons about misjudging books by their covers) and I trudged up to the third floor to plead our case. The question put to us by Mr. Alvarez was “why do you want to take this class?” My answer was simple; I wanted to learn how to take better pictures. Lucky for me, that was the correct response.

Non sequitur: What I also learned from this experience is that in certain situations, if someone already has “the words,” it’s kinda waste of time to come up with your own. After I gave my answer to Mr. Alvarez, Tomeka quickly said, “Me, too,” and rode in on my coattails. My implementation of this lesson is that if someone says grace before a meal, as soon as they finish I’ll say “and for Stephen, too.” That way, the big guy upstairs puts me on the good list (I hope), without me having to basically say the same thing. Lazy, but smart.

But I digress.

The thing that I loved about that photography class (and a shout out to the Pentax K-1000. The best beginner camera ever), was that it taught me how to “see.” To get the right shot required a combination of planning, positioning, and patience. I had to envision in my minds eye the image I was trying to make while simultaneously being aware of the changing surroundings so I would not miss unplanned opportunities.

Then, when I both saw and felt the image coming into view, I would look through the viewfinder, imagine was was about to happen after the latency of me deciding to press the manual shutter and my finger actually moving, and commit to the action.

Science, engineering, planning, adjustment, and a touch of faith. It was all right there. Click.

I was thinking about this process as I reentered the workplace after a week-long vacation. The world did not stop in my absence (which is a life lesson we all need to remember), and I needed to jump on a moving train.

The words of my good friend Marcus Aurelius who wrote, “The nearer a man comes to a calm mind the closer he is to strength.” So as I approached the office, I relaxed, felt my breathing slow and let my mind clear. I could feel my energy building like a very localized gathering storm. Quite an amazing feeling actually.

There is a phrase that’s been often said by both Will Smith and Conor McGregor (both excellent fighters, although I doubt either to be the origin): “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.” There is a place for that kind of thinking here, too. But let’s put a reality wrapper on that.

Sometimes you need to lower the shields, take off the armor, and let your henchmen have a holiday. “Always” is a really long time to be in alert mode.

So when it’s time to get back into “the show,” “the dance,” or whatever euphemism you prefer to call your professional life, take a moment to clear your mind and focus your energy. See the image of the successful day you are about to manifest. Look through the viewfinder and adjust your mind like the fine tuning of a camera lens. And when the time is right, not too soon, not too late…click.

And as that moment approaches, listen to this song of the day (which is the sound of your mind focusing and telling the world “I’m not fooling around with you today. Today, it’s on.”)

And know that somewhere, I’ll be giving you a virtual high five and a fist bump.

https://youtu.be/bBMeEanGXi8

Good morning!

“There are so many ways to “f” this up.”

That was the first line I wrote this morning as I begun writing my speech to present this year’s Engineers’ Council Project of the Year Award next Saturday. (The award goes to the Artemis I Industrial Team, by the way.)

I found this ironic, because I’m sure that, at some level, that team had the same feeling as they began their technical journey so many years ago.

But my challenge is more or less an amplified version of one that I face everyday; how do I give the moment the proper mix of oomph, pizzaz, and pomp without giving it too much “Stephen.” You see, I live with me all the time, and Lordy Lordy I know that sometimes being around me can be like trying to spice up a dish with a little pepper, only to have the lid fall off and be left with a heaping mound of pepper and a ruined dish.

But damn it if I don’t love pepper! So I always give it a try!

But that led me to a different thought, which was that I was falling into a different trap. No, I’m not starting a land war on the Asian subcontinent. The trap it was falling into was hubris. (Side note: For me, this is like walking into a room with 100 trap doors, where 75 of them say “hubris,” and the other 25 read “fear.”)

Let me explain why this is a trap in this case: First, let’s pick a random number. I chose 45. Now think back to the dinner you ate 45 days ago. Was it good or bad? Best meal you’ve ever eaten? Maybe it was just a protein bar and a bottle of water?

The point is that whatever you thought about it then, assuming it didn’t give you food poisoning, that impression and memory was relegated to “standard day” status and filed away. Never to be considered again, unless you return to the same restaurant or encounter some other related stimulus.

So for me to think my speech will be anything other than that…that’s the sound of the latch on the trap door opening beneath me.

But I have to be honest with myself (doesn’t it kinda suck that this phrase exists?) I do want to be more than “standard day.” I want people to tug at my arm and say “good job.” And although I’ve been on this planet for more than a half century, I still always hope for the ultimate accolade: someone to call my mom and tell her that her son did well.

So the goal, I think is balance. I need the hubris to power the belief and overpower the fear, but I need the caution to keep it all in check.

And in the final analysis, that probably what we all need everyday. That mix of unlimited confidence in ourselves (and yes, sometimes unearned) tempered with a healthy dash of humility.

I have to chuckle because recently it seems that the Rat Pack had all this figured out for me back in the 50’s and 60’s. I just had to listen closer! So today’s Song of the Day is from my good friend Sammy Davis, Jr. (And you better be singing along!)

And I know that I’m late to Valentine’s Day, but remember that Stephen will buy you a box of chocolate 365 days a year! (But not on a leap day, because that’s overdoing it.)

https://youtu.be/OXYndNL4Mu8?si=2YOybXzFD0BBXAp4

Good Afternoon!

Okay, I admit that I’ve been remiss in sending out the Song of the Day…but this is not that! (Booooo!!!) Instead, this is a little something if, like me you’d like to enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday without having Christmas music intrude. Please enjoy my Thanksgiving Playlist and feel free to hit me to tunes I may have missed. (And if you are primarily an Apple Music user like me, ping me and I’ll send you a link to that version of the playlist, too!)

All I ask is one favor: This holiday season, please take a moment to look around and forget about all the meaningless material things you don’t have, and count your blessings for the friends and family that you are fortunate enough to have in your life. You may find that you are quite wealthy indeed!

Now go get fat and happy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/42QHRfEyqbb2XOKKU1GCcl?si=GtmrwuCJTM27MpfttIZQaQ

Good Morning!

So before you ask, the answer is yes. Maybe the thought occurred to you while sitting on the couch letting that delicious Thanksgiving dinner work its way through your tummy. Maybe it was after that dash to your regional outlet mall while you looked for an elusive empty parking spot. Or maybe it while you were lying in bed perusing Mr. Bezo’s Infinite Shop of Curios and TP. Regardless, I am sure it occurred to you:

Does Stephen have a Christmas playlist?

Like the comfort of a mother’s hug or the deliciousness of a PB&J, some things are beyond questioning. 🙂

So here you go! Of course I tip my hand with multiple versions of my faves, but a jam is a jam! Please enjoy. (As always, I have the Apple version, too.) And share your beautiful holiday smile while you’re out and about. I betcha it’ll make you feel good and give someone else a reason to smile, too!

Remember, Santa is still watching. 🙂

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2iy9xak6ua53QLJ77JsDRP?si=B5cwJBMLSOm0w82QYXMMlQ&pi=u-Ue2vQ8iFSNWn

Good morning!

In these turbulent times, you were probably thinking “who has what it takes to bring everyone together in a spirit of togetherness?”

No, not Stephen. The correct answer is Nelson Mandela, but he’s not returning my calls.

So who else is known to spread ideas of love and unity? Yeah, also not Stephen. The correct answer is the Dali Lama.

But who, when realizing that Hanukkah begins on Christmas night and thereby creates an opportunity for a continuous holiday mode through New Year’s Day, would take time to create a kicking Hanukkah playlist?

Right! Not Ryan Seacrest, but me, Don Esteban de Granada Hills (That’s going to be my 2025 nom de guerre. Like it? Thoughts?)

So even if you aren’t part of the tribe, you can still enjoy these jams while noshing on some delicious challah (yum!) And if you want the Apple Music version (which is what I listen to because it really kicks with lossless audio), ping me.

L’Chaim!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0c3p0POFANegZKE7EfPbz0?si=LP76YDoTTLGzsrex56WjKQ&pi=u-_dQnT-naTDCn

Good morning!

A quickie for today. I was going through the photos from my recent trip and came across a very interesting photo I took on the fly.

It’s just a photo of stairs and an escalator.

What I liked about this subway exit is that it is the physical manifestation of how many of us live our lives. It says in effect, “Look, if you put in some effort and make it up the first seven steps, then I’ll carry you the rest of the way. But I’ve got to know you’ve got some skin in the game first, and are committed to making this happen!”

Is that the right way to be? If I’m going to help, shouldn’t I help from the beginning? Or is that just enabling weakness? I’m not sure either way, but it’s worth a thought since regardless of if I know the answer, my behavior will reveal my inner self. It might be a good idea if I know myself before I get tested by life.

Remember what Sun Tzu taught us: a warrior that knows himself and knows the enemy will win 100% of his battles. So let’s keep getting our learn on!

And for the SoD, let’s just enjoy a jam from my good friend Robert.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4aUCPal9bxTnQkEfdIY6sG?si=ockNHHjQTCGttvqITb7j8w

Good morning!

This is wild!

Three days ago, I was teaching a class in Mannheim (and no, no company in that city actually makes steamrollers. Who knew?). Two days ago I woke up in Brussels (yes, the chocolate is worth the journey). And today I start my new role in Northridge, California. So close to my house that if I had more confidence in my ability to ride up and down the intervening hills, and a belief that one of my fellow citizens wouldn’t hit me with a car while I was attempting to do so, I could conceivably ride a bike to work.

Of this bike fantasy, we will never speak again.

The wow is that on January 1st, I couldn’t see any of this coming. I think my goals for the year were best summed up by Garrison Keeler as he would sign off from Lake Woebegone: “Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.”

And now the next step. I have to admit, I am super and duper excited. It feels like an old school “first day.” Only thing missing is my mom packing me a lunch in a Speed Racer lunchbox (because there is no better lunchbox on any planet) and dropping me off at the front door.

But I must admit that maybe I’ve been cheating myself, because I can make every day feel like the first day. I think I know what’s going to happen, but that is a mirage of my own making, right? It’s at best a probabilistic guess that I use to convince myself that I’m in control of what I’m not.

But what if I treated every day like today. I’d be more attentive to my surroundings. I’d pay attention to not only people’s names and roles, but the unspoken subtext in their movement and words. I’d actively try to link all mew encounters to what I’ve previously known in order to ensure I understood my surroundings and what roles I could play to enhance my team’s and my personal endeavors.

Because that’s what I’ll be doing today. So the question is why can’t I just keep doing that and see what good things happen, right? And maybe you can, too!

But what’s the jam for this vibe. Ok, classic cliche alert here, but I am going to have to go with an oldie but goodie that puts everyone into a good vibe, and makes too many of us (yours truly included) forget that they can’t sing.

And I hope your week is twice as awesome as mine!

https://open.spotify.com/track/4bHsxqR3GMrXTxEPLuK5ue?si=5RriM9VeRvqOUqz7ZujMwA

Notes on the Jungle

Hola!

While flying into Riviera Maya and later, while riding in the shuttle van to the resort, I was fascinated by the jungle.

From above it is a seemingly endless carpet of emerald, stochastically interrupted by the tale tell signs of humanity.

But in the ground, the story becomes much more nuanced. Yes, you can see where humans have chosen to make their mark, sometimes to a lovely and wondrous effect. Other times, the decisions were clearly less well considered and ultimately abandoned.

Regardless of the success or failure of the endeavor, the jungle was relentless on its desire to reclaim what was taken from it. Abandoned roadways were already cracking and bucking as the jungle roots seek to return the concrete and asphalt to its natural state and base elements. Entry gates struggled to remain connected and upright as the jungle gently nudged the concept of futility into unrefutable view.

For the ongoing concerns, crews were in constant deployment to hold the jungle at bay in an eternal attempt to sustain the inevitable. A glance down the road to the ruins a Tulum serve as a constant reminder that the jungle cannot be defeated, for like “The Dude,” the jungle abides.

For some reason, I saw a life lesson in all of this. As each of us strives to create a life of our choosing, we may imagine that we reach a point where we are “done.” But that’s not true, is it? Life, like the jungle, will claw back that is unattended.

The friendships we let lie fallow. The skills we leave partially developed with a promise to return to them “tomorrow.” The promises we made to ourselves that never made it off the To-Do list. The jungle of life will reclaim them all and leave each of us bereft of the joy, pleasure, and sense of satisfaction that could have been ours if only we persisted in maintaining the effort.

As for me, lesson learned. I’m using this week of vacation to reassess, refocus, redouble, and relax. And then it’s back into the arena for me, because I’ve worked very hard to clear off my tiny part of the jungle and build a life to my liking and frankly have zero intention of letting the jungle get any of it back.

I hadn’t planned on this being an SoD, but my brain doesn’t work with the soundtrack automatically kicking in. So the accompanying jam is this sweet tune from the Black Pumas. Enjoy! And have a margarita on me! (Send the receipt to stephenaintgonnapay@fellforitagain.haha)

https://open.spotify.com/track/6d4FWjx72iuRWzn1HwywLK?si=tnWNX8DYQGOB64mZc8FrvQ

Good morning!

There is something interesting about the concept of “before” and “after.” One one hand, it allows us to divide our lives up into nice, story sized chunks. But it also allows us to fall into a trap and delude ourselves into believing false things about our lives.

Here is an example, and why I’m sharing this with you today. As I’m winding down my current role at work and spinning up for my next one, I’ve found myself working much, much, harder than I had been in the previous months. The rationale that I gave myself is that once I accepted a new role, I wanted to ensure that I didn’t leave any loose ends for my current team to deal with after I was gone.

You see the before and after structure there? Well that’s a myth. What if I put myself in a less flattering light and said “now that I have an end date, I can calculate how much energy I am willing to spend and how much time I have to spend it, and that will determine my level of output.

Oh boy! It makes me queasy just to write that! But here is the truth: my reality lies somewhere between those two points. But when I use a before and after framework, I kind of give up my own agency and instead make my actions contingent on some outside force to either rationalize or excuse my actions. “Because X happened, I did Y.”

Yeah, it’s kinda BS. It should be “because I decided Y, I did Z.” I need to own my current state, the state change, and the outcome. And that goes for the bad stuff as well as the good.

This loops back to the idea that there really isn’t a before and after; there is only now. We can only decide and act now, which means we must be present in our lives so we can make these decisions (good and bad) and not be subject to the random tides of life. (Turns out, Veruca Salt was right. “Now” is the only answer.)

So that’s how I’m stepping off into today. I’m going to try to pay a bit more attention and own my actions (and reactions) a tad bit more today and keep nudging myself towards the better version of myself (which, of course, I should never reach).

But what does that sound like? Well wouldn’t you know it that my good friend Grover Washington Jr. wrote a jam specifically for this mood, so that has to be the SoD!

Unfortunately, it’s too hot in LA to be wearing a black leather jacket while strolling down the street with intention in my step (if you don’t hear that in the music, please let me know), but know that in my heart, that is exactly what’s going on.

And by the way, regardless of what the grocery store tells you, you really don’t need to buy Halloween candy yet. Hold on to summer a couple weeks more!

https://open.spotify.com/track/6mG32lzFGs8UxgpQKLIrQp?si=CfLaoBmmQi2c1lxLJXEE0Q

Good morning!

So here’s the BLUF (bottom line up front): I’m bringing back the SoD in mid October, but to explain why, I need to explain how and why I got my new role. And to explain that, I need to share a Pre-Interview Hype playlist with you. And to put all of that into a meaningful context, we have to discuss Conan the Barbarian.

I know, right? All those hops and no Kevin Bacon? Stick with me and I promise the juice will be worth the squeeze.

Plus it’s Sunday morning. You don’t have anywhere to be.

So about Conan the Barbarian. This is arguably my fourth favorite movie of all time.

1. Unforgiven
2. Casablanca
3. Payback
4. Conan the Barbarian (the original version…with The Governator)

Although it can be easily written off as a “sword and sandal” flick, it is actually a pretty deep tale of personal quest and the persistence of the role of the classic Greek (and other) Triad. For you Trekkers, think Kirk, Spock, McCoy.

In this case it is Conan, Valeria, and Subotai who are at the center of the story, for although Conan’s strength is obvious, it is Valeria’s passion that drives Conan forward with urgency (“What? Do you want to live forever?”), cautions him against recklessness (“We have warmth. That’s all we need.”), and saves his life (twice) with her dedication (“I would come back from the gates of hell to fight beside you.”)

Similarly, it is the unquestioned friendship of Subotai that allows Conan to be always true to his nature, even at Valeria’s death. (“He is Conan. He will not cry. So I cry for him.)

So here is why all this matters.

A few weeks ago, I was preparing to drive across LA for a second interview for a new role at work. If you have seen the movie “Falling Down” or read the Odyssey (which, by the way, is the same story), you know that traversing LA in the middle of the day can be … and experience. Plus I needed to get my mind in the right space to be on my “A” game.

I needed to be strong like Conan, brave like Valeria, and grounded like Subotai (and maybe even show flashes of focused ruthlessness like Thulsa Doom. You really need to watch this movie!). I needed to be ready to play all my cards.

So of course, I made a playlist. Something to hype me up and get me “game ready,” but also keep a leash on my hubris, and keep my focus on “the big picture.” As Chuck D says “Don’t let a win go to your head / Or a loss to your heart.”

And so I was able to step into the room confident and ready to rumble. A two hour interview ended up being closer to three, and the story concludes some days later with a call from Talent Acquisition that I get a slightly better title and a few more nickels in my pocket, and more importantly I get to do something that I’m truly passionate about and work again with someone I deeply respect.

So here is the secret: I didn’t try to step up my game for the interview. Instead, I wanted to be the most “me” that was possible. Maximum Me. Because that’s what I was selling. Not a translation of me into what I thought they wanted, because that always falls apart eventually. Instead, I wanted to make sure they saw the whole show, because frankly, I think it’s a pretty good show.

And I’ll admit, sometimes we all stray from this path, right? A bit too much “fitting in” or “go along to get along.” But what if we always tried to just give them “Maximum Me?”

You know what? My hunch is that they’d say “I like it!”

And so with that, I’d like to share with you my “Maximum Me” hype playlist and announce that in mid-October I’ll be bringing back the Song of the Day! (Why? Why not?!?!)

One more thing: Forget about the rules. Keep wearing those white jeans and white bucks for another month or two. The rules don’t apply to you, and you know you good in ‘em!

And if you’re not feeling awesome today, then I’ll be your Subotai: I’ll feel awesome for you.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ApAJu5o9wU1ski8xf9IYj?si=IM0CK7hyTrqcDzFZiudr_w

Happy 54th!

In the overdramatic version of my memoir, the story begins like this:

Fifty-four years ago, on a Milwaukee Wednesday, so hot and sweltering that even nearby Lake Michigan had to admit that it was all a bit much, my story began with a racist assault when a masked man, professional in demeanor, education, and advocation, reared back and slapped me hard, only to follow with an encore laced with one of the oldest marginalizations a black man could hear: “boy.” My mother, until this time the only person I truly knew and in fact trusted with my very existence, watched while she lay helpless, her ears treated to the sound of her only son crying out not in pain, but in searing hot indignity.

But I’m sure my editor will say, “isn’t that a bit over top for describing your birth? This isn’t film noir.” Then we will both pause after hearing the unintended double entendre, and burst into open laughter which will only be dampened by the realization that we’ve drank all the scotch on hand.

Fifty-four laps around the sun. How about that? And along the way I’ve managed to make some awesome friends, only disappoint a handful of people (oh, there’s still plenty of time for that!), and live dreams that were beyond the threshold of my imagination.

Michael J. Fox may have named his autobiography “Lucky Man,” but I know I have to be a close second. In a psycho-social judo move, I want to take this birthday moment to say Thank You, for being a part of my life. As awesome as I can be at times (yeah, that’s self-congratulatory. Let it slide.), I know I can be a bore, an obstacle, absolutely maddening, and maybe even a downright ass. Thank you for seeing through that and knowing that, like you, I’m playing this by ear and trying to get it right.

This year has been insane in every direction. I thought I knew how this part of the story would go, but as I snuggled up on a plane flying over the Atlantic for the second time this year, I came to terms with the fact that, regardless what I’ve said, I cannot see the future. So I’m just along for the ride, and I thank you for sharing your cookies, your laughs, your cries, and your successes with me.

To hell with it! Hold your hands up high as we ride the coaster together. I’ll buy us some ice cream later.

And a tip of the hat to lap 55. I’m coming for you!

And yep! There is a Song of the Day today, in honor of my 54th birthday:

https://youtu.be/dTIq5lm3Bi0

Good morning!

How about that? We find ourselves half way through the year on the 4th of July, with a fifth of scotch, and as Mr. Z reminds us, 99 problems (or was Nena more on point with the 99 Luftballons? It’s all so complex.)

But today we can put all that aside and celebrate the birthday of this experiment called the U. S. of A. For today, let’s set aside the well earned grumbling about it not being perfect. Heck, none of us are all that perfect either.

The point is that every day, we all get up and try to have a perfect day, be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

And you’ve seen glimpses of that version of you, right? That day you said the right thing to that friend who needed to hear the right words. That day when you stayed quiet, because you knew that was the best play. The day you showed up when your simple presence made the difference.

That’s how I think of our country. Every day we try. Some days we miss horribly (it doesn’t matter when you read this, the daily news will bear this out.) But some days, if you look closely, you see it Al around you. You’ll see people hop out of their own vehicle to help a motorist in trouble. You’ll see elementary school kids celebrating a retiring crossing guard on her last day of work.

In short, you’ll see you fellow American saying “I’m here for you now.” And maybe that’s what America is. A nation of less than perfect individuals standing together, faults and all, saying “I’m not perfect, but I’m here for you.” To borrow a phrase “in order to form a more perfect Union.”

So in that spirit I implore you to enjoy Independence Day by jamming to the attached SoD playlist and following the guidance of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (which never gets old in my book): be excellent to each other, and party on!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7lZI6GnBT1oAopKVri3Owy?si=5Rb0kgUyTROEwSa64UkUfg

Good morning!

Isn’t it insane how random life can be? Today I made a point of getting up at my previous day-start time so I could get into the salt mines a bit earlier. And wouldn’t you know it, I came across this tweet that sums it up perfectly.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to heed this advice.

Oh yeah, of course there is a matching SoD. I’m not always a cad!

https://youtu.be/9OfT8y9XqjA

Good morning!

It’s not like I hoped in Elon’s ride and left the planet! Im sitting next to the SoD machine wearing headphones and being selfish.

Im reaching out to you to remind you that today is RED Shirt Friday. RED stands for Remember Everyone Deployed and it’s a way of showing families of those currently deployed as well as veterans of those deployments that, although most of us do not fully understand what they are going through (only 2% of citizens serve), they have not been forgotten.

So if you have yet to  select your wardrobe for the day, please consider a red shirt. And if you can, give a vet a hug in exchange for what they were willing to give up for you.

And since you are such a peachy keen person, I’m tossing in an SoD, too! (Gluten free!)

And yes, the 70’s were awesome and funky!

https://youtu.be/wLGciG2a1I8

Good morning!

Sometimes we forget who we are.

There is the person we project into the world. There is the person we are striving to become. And then…there is the “real” version of us.

But there is another version, too. The Autopilot Edition. That’s where today started for me, but I’m going to do my darnedest to not end it there.

If I had written this at 0445 when I got out of bed (don’t judge me), my song of the day probably would have been “Ordinary Average Guy” by Joe Walsh.

Working five days in a row is a drag. It’s for suckers. It’s simply too much. It’s tiring.

But then again, working five days in a row at a job that I mostly enjoy, with people I both admire and cherish, and where I have an opportunity to help solve “unsolvable” problems (while getting paid an amount of money that if I told 17 year-old Stephen, he would  slap my face and quote Louise Belcher exclaiming “Why don't you start speaking in words instead of your damn dirty lies!”), well, what exactly am I complain about?

The problem wasn’t that I had any real beef. The problem was that I was on Autopilot. I was just letting the week buffet me around without fully engaging the environment. I was thinking, “Boy I sure hope this changes soon,” forgetting for a moment that “hope” is a wish, not a strategy or a plan.

So a few things happened this morning to help me get back on track.

1. Local Starbucks was slow with FIVE baristas. When the Mobile Order barista saw the look of disapproval on my face she said “Sorry for the delay, Stephen. Does this make it better?” She proceeded to line up the logo on the sleeve with the logo on the cup and the drink spout exactly the way I like it! The big smile on my face told her all was forgiven.
2. Because of a speed break on the 405, I found myself in a group of cars with 2 miles of open freeway. Interstate. Smooth. Flat. A young guy in a BMW M3 decided to stand on the pedal. For some reason (i.e. the real me decided it could no longer be silent), I pushed my Mini into SPORT mode and audibly said to no one “Release the Hounds!!!

Side note: There are few things as fun as watching the giant speedometer in the center of a Mini console as the needle move into the lightly used area above 90. Not that you should do that (but you should).

Turns out a lady with a kid in her Porsche SUV, a guy in a Lexus coupe, and another guy in an Audi  (maybe an etron Q4) had the same idea. Friday morning, screaming down the 405 like banshees.

But it was only two miles, and at that speed, well you can do the math. (And if you can’t, just remember that 60 mph is one mile per minute. And we were going faster than that.) So as we approach the regular morning traffic, we slow back down to the humdrum 15 mph, but now mentally, It Is On.

Just a brief moment of unrestrained fun (and maybe a coy flirtation with the hereafter), powered by a hot Americano and a barista who reminded me that it’s the little things that matter was all it took to wake me up. Suddenly, I’m singing in the car, shooting out timely texts, dictating sections of my next INCOSE presentation, and also important: thinking of a new SoD.

Joe Walsh wasn’t going to cut it anymore. The fire was lit. The groove is on. So I had to go old school, but here is today’s SoD. And remember to turn off the damn Autopilot and do “you,” boo boo!

I hope you have a present and transformational day.

https://youtu.be/rHQ11l4uiM4

Good morning!

I’ve always hated the question “do you know something I don’t?”

Of course I do! I know the name of my first grade teacher, my first grade best friend, and my first grade crush (Mrs. Beckwith, Samuel Harper, Christine Doi).

The point is that we all know things others don’t, but that doesn’t make them “secrets.” I also know where the Illuminati Summer 2022 Picnic will be held, but that is actually a secret. Sorry.

But today I do want to share a secret to you. And this bit of knowledge was initiated by none other than Sub Zero, a villan from the Mortal Kombat game.

Stop laughing. We all have our vices.

Mr. Zero’s schtick was that he could pull the water out of the air and focus it into ice. I know what you’re thinking, and I agree: he could be the greatest bartender of all time.

This character came to mind a few weeks ago as I started preparing a self-development plan for my colleagues who listed me as their mentor at work. Since mentoring is one of the things I’m kinda good at, I wanted to kick things up a notch and create a 30-day plan of questions and activities that really pushes personal insight and discovery.

But also on my virtual desk are four partially written novels, the outlines of three technical papers (one of which may lead to a free ticket to Hawaii), and two client proposals that could lead to some extra nickels in my pocket.

To be honest, I have the energy and enthusiasm to finish all of them, but I’m short on the most precious resource: time.

So what to do? Well that’s where the example set by Senor Zero comes in. I need to focus my time resources by pulling every loose minute out of the air just like Sub Zero pulls water. I’ve already started this process by heading into work earlier to avoid traffic, but also by using my car as my lunch office, and even resurrecting a practice I started in business school of dictating in the car for asynchronous transcription later.

And now the process is claiming the SoD. [cue the paid mourners] Although everything you read in the SoD message takes me about 2 minutes to structurally craft in my head, it takes about 20 minutes to translate into a readable format (and remove the insane number of asides that are bouncing around my noggin with it). In fact, about 50% of the time, the message changes while I’m still writing it!

[Aside: I get no greater chuckle than when someone says “Yeah, I don’t have time to read that everyday.”]

So it’s gotta go, at least as a regularly scheduled item. It will still show up from time as a bit of spice. But just to show I’m not playing favorites, I’m also stopping my “Thought of the Day” email but keeping my Forward Together newsletter, since I only get to that about three times a year as it is.

Alas, there is only one SoD that works for today. A classic. And while you listen to it, make that ToDo list for this weekend and actually commit yourself to making it happen. Then you’ll have more time for music and cake.

https://youtu.be/BXqPNlng6uI

Good morning!

In Seals song “Crazy”, there is a lyric that reads “in a sky full of people only some want to fly / Isn’t that crazy?”

We’ll get back to that in a moment.

Yesterday, I found myself thinking back to the iconic Nike ad titled “Tiger, did you learn anything?” (Larry and Sergi can show it to you).  The ad features a black-and-white video of Tiger Woods with a voice over from his late father. At the time, the media found it confusing and some had more uncharitable things to say.

But time changes things, right? I look back on it now and find it very moving for many reasons. On one hand, I believe this ad resonates with me because almost without fail, my mother would ask me what I had learned today when I came home after school. Unfortunately, my mind tends to extrapolate the strategic lesson before narrowing in to the tactical subtext, which makes it hard to answer this question without a dissertation (and lord knows how I like the sound of my own voice!)

This video came to mind because I was having lunch with an early career colleague and casually discussing how I had moved through the company and what opportunities or decisions I had decided to take or pass.

I think the reason this all bubbled up in my mind, was a realization that the last time I had shared my career path with a younger employee, I drew different conclusions about choices I had made. Now as far as I know, history is immutable(it’s also probably a liar, since it’s usually told from one point of view), so my decisions in the past had not changed. What had changed was my interpretation and understanding of those events.

And the thought that flashed through my noggin next was, “ isn’t that cool!“ I am a big fan of continuous learning, so it tickles me to remember and realize that my own thoughts and experiences are also a source and basis for that continued learning.

Now here is where Seal comes in. As part of this mental reevaluation, I also considered Seals lyric. But this time, instead of thinking “yeah, right!“, I was thinking that maybe that isn’t the whole story. Maybe some want to fly but they’re scared. Maybe some can fly but they’ve been told that they can’t. Maybe some can fly but they were told go fly somewhere else, “we don’t want your kind flying with us.”

I know, huh? “Crazy“ is kind of crazy!

So my ask of you today is to rethink and reconsider your story. Maybe the meaning has changed since the last time you gave it a good look. And then take that knowledge of yourself and see if there is someone who will you can help fly, or fly a bit higher.

So today’s SoD has to be the kind is jam that not only gets the feet a tapping and the booty a shaken, but also one that inspires you to help others be the best version of themselves that they can be, and by extension, help you to become a better version of yourself.

https://youtu.be/zGSxvH5i6XQ

Good morning!

So I’m doing this new thing with trying to get up and get out of the house early so I can beat the traffic and have more time at the end of my day.

It stinks!

I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, you send texts at zero dark thirty in the morning and way after decent people have gone to bed at night! I just figured that you didn’t sleep!”

True that. But “waking up” and “getting up” are two different beasts.

But my point is that I’m trying something new and attempting to stick to the plan. My golf buddy, General Dwight D. Eisenhower famously said, “plans are worthless, but planning is everything.” And ironically enough, just like him, my morning plan is based on taking a beach, too (except mine is Redondo, not Omaha).

There was and is so much missing from my plan, that here on day two I’m already making mods. But that’s okay. What I’ve found is that even if you change it 100 times, it’s better to have a plan than not. It helps you define what you want to happen (sunny day), and a context for understanding the impact of change when you need to deviate.

It works for life big and small. And more importantly, it helps you manage what ridiculously little time we have. Side note: I was reading Seneca yesterday at lunch and came across a passage that made me laugh out loud: when you compare all of the known time before your birth and the infinite time after your death to the brief time that you are alive, it will make you wonder why you let yourself be bothered by anything at all.

Time is fleeting, so make a plan and make it happen (but include plenty of booty shaking time!) And you can use today’s SoD to get your body moving right (in my case, right out the door!)

https://youtu.be/rHJA_hzP3Fs

Good morning!

In a song by the great Run-DMC, there is a line that reads “the next time someone’s teaching / why don’t you get to taught“. This became apparent and appropriate yesterday as I prepared to remove the broken armrest from my Mini Cooper.

Of course, how my armrest was broken (or more precisely, how I broke my arm rest) is not the issue. The real issue is that in any endeavor in life, it is critical that we ask ourselves, “do I really have all of the information that I need?”

The story began Saturday, when I watched a YouTube video on how to replace my armrest, while I was sitting in a local restaurant eating breakfast. Because I am not “that guy“, I turned the volume all the way down while watching the video in the restaurant.

The video was very instructive, in that it showed me that I would only need to remove seven screws to accomplish my task. Awesome!

Sunday afternoon, I grab a flathead and a Phillips screwdriver and headed out to the car. Step one: I removed the cover using the flathead driver.

Step two… Oh rats! These were not Phillips head screws! I bet they said something about this in the video, but obviously, I didn’t hear it. No worries! I pop into the garage and grab my small set of Torx drivers.

Back to the car I go and… None of them are the right size! I bet they said something about this in the video. But obviously, I didn’t hear it.

Now, lucky for me, I had an ace in the hole, in that years ago (when I actually used to repair and build PCs for fun), I purchased a small tool kit with practically every tip imaginable in almost every consumer or electronics manufacturer size.

Bada bing, Bada bam, Bada boom, old armrest hinge removed and project complete.

But the bottom line is that I caused myself a bunch of grief and wasted a bunch of time because I “thought” I had all the information and I “thought I knew” what I was doing. But even a moment of introspection would have enticed me to ask myself, “do I really know everything I need to know about this? Maybe I should watch the video again…with the sound on.“

Being a professional often requires that we act on less than perfect information. The difference is that we usually know our information is imperfect. But how many times in our personal and professional lives have we jumped to conclusions or had less than fulfilling engagements with another human being because we “thought“ that we knew what they were thinking or what had transpired in the room prior to our arrival.

As I mentioned, in a prior message, this is one of those situations where I hear my high school associate Chris Boswell taunting me with his catchphrase, “You don’t know! You don’t know, do you?“

So the action for today, is don’t guess; know. And if you don’t know, either ask or find out. Your interactions will go smoother, and people will think more of you because of your consideration.

As this entire escapade was unfolding, the obvious choice for the SOD came with it. It doesn’t hurt that it’s also groove!

BTW, I enjoyed the way that you look me in the eyes, smile, and nod while I am speaking. It makes me feel heard, which is a warm fuzzy all in itself.

https://youtu.be/Hz4dDQdq2KE

Just to be clear on one tiny detail: just because the SoD avoids the weighty issues of the day, doesn’t mean I don’t care. You might not know what I do for a living, but you know who I do it for and that whatever hopes and fears you have, know that I share them. Hopefully this SoD bonus brings you a quantum of solace (yeah, I still loves me some Daniel Craig James Bond, too.)

https://youtu.be/6w3037nq23o

Final Travel SoD!

Whew! Who knew it would be so hard to get transportation out of Memphis? But it was nice of the guys at FedEx to give us those cases of assorted Tennessee whiskeys.

Wait? You didn’t get one? This would be awkward if I hadn’t had so many samples. My bad.

But you do get one more travel SoD to take to you into the weekend on the right groove. And whatever the weekend holds in store for you, stay in the moment and enjoy it for all its worth. Don’t think about work. Just like The Dude, work abides.

BTW, I was <<this close>> to putting Wichita Lineman on the list because I like both kinds of music: country and western. (Bonus points if you can name the move provenance of that quote.)

https://youtu.be/WBugBEWVnpA

Good morning!

Last night I finally unpacked my Utah moving bins that contained stuff from my office and other related tech. So much stuff! I could probably restart Radio Shack all by myself! (Talk about a place I didn’t really miss until it was gone. And don’t get me started on how much I miss Heathkits. Look it up, kids.)

What I found remarkable is how much stuff I had pre-stored and not actually taken into my office proper from when I moved to Utah from LA. When I was last in Redondo Beach, my office was insanely awesome, but that’s another story. The point is that I had photos, decor, and even my own coffee maker, tea kettle, and mini fridge.

My office was a tiny home away from home. And that was the problem.

At some point, I realized that I was looking at the situation wrong. It wasn’t MY office. It was the company’s office and I had simply been assigned to it, just like every previous office. So it would never be mine.

Plus, I didn’t need to make it comfy. I was there to do the job and then go home. The home that really was mine and full of all the accoutrements I had accumulated.

By over decorating my office, I kinda lost sight of the purpose of this specific piece of real estate. But I think I’ve figured it out. I’m not going full ascetic, but definitely minimal. And when the office becomes uncomfortable, I’ll go home. Easy peasy.

So the challenge for today is not to de-decorate your office digs, but give it a good reexamination and ask yourself “why is this here?” Bottom line is that you’ll gain a tad bit more insight to yourself.

Which reminds me of something my life coach, Sun Tzu told me:

• If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
• If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.
• If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

So know yourself and be the winner I know you to be!

For this penultimate leg of our trip, it turns out our flights back to the US was going to be delayed, so I managed to finagle a ride for us in two jump seats on a FedEx plane. Now, I’m sure that if you saw the movie “Castaway“ you might be concerned about flying as a passenger on a FedEx plane. But trust me, it’s going to be cool! However, that does change our landing destination in the US.

But you know who will be there to greet us? The SoD!

https://youtu.be/PgRafRp-P-o

We Gotta Go Now!!!

Time to head back towards the States if we plan to be back in the US manana. This flight has one stop, but I got us upgraded to Business Class! Traveling with Stephen means traveling in style! 😉

BTW, I had to trade your watch for the upgrade. Sorry about that.

https://youtu.be/KxibMBV3nFo

Good morning!

Yesterday, a 4 year old boy schooled me at a local park while I was eating lunch. Allow me to share.

I sat down at a picnic table, near a woman who appeared to be taking care of her grandkids: a 4ish year old boy and a 2ish year old girl.

The boy was running back and forth from the playground to the table when the grandmother admonished him not to run so fast.

“But Grandma, now is the time to run! When I get older, I’ll only be able to jog like daddy, and then only walk slow like you and grandpa. So I’m gonna run as much as I can now!”

So now I’m sitting there gobsmacked. My plan was to do some career planning while eating my pita wrap (The Hummus Republic). Bam! This kid gives me the answer on my second bite.

A valuable question to ask ourselves is “how fast can I run?” Or even more importantly, “how fast do I want to run?”

Because the kid was right. At some point in our professional lives, we all lose the energy or drive to keep running fast and have to dial it back a notch. Or we slow down to save our knees for the sprints.

So my ask of you is to figure out if you should be sprinting, jogging, or walking right now. Then ask yourself, if necessary, why you are moving at the wrong speed, and can you do to fix the mismatch. But remember, as my good friend Lailah Gifty Akita said, “In race of life, you have to run at own speed.”

There will be plenty of time to sit with grandma later. Besides, she already has a head start on you. See those AirPod Pros in her ears? She’s grooving to the SoD from the next stop on our global tour. Jam with grandma!

BTW, I admire how you spread your blanket on the grass, lie your book down, and then just plop down and take a nap in the warm midday sun without even pretend that you plan toe read. No shame in your game!

https://youtu.be/6ZcDRw0bON0

Heads up!

This is a bonus pre-SoD! It’ll make more sense later. But until then, enjoy.

https://youtu.be/wUOgkfqYb34

Good morning!

Yesterday a fellow grocery shopper said, “One of the reasons I’m glad we’re through with masks for now is that I miss seeing your smile!”

I thanked her for sharing that kindness with and told her my secret: I was smiling because at that moment, my biggest worry was that the seven layer dip had way too much cheese on the top (come on, Vons!), and that I was forced to buy a slice of red velvet cake because the bakery was all out of chocolate (on a Sunday morning! What gives, guys?)

So if those were my big worries, shouldn’t I be smiling?

Yeah, I have “those other worries” just like everyone else. For example, did you know that a Mini Cooper S has two fuel pumps and replacing either is equivalent to a cheap weekend in Hawaii or London?

Sure that’s stalking me. But as long as I don’t race for pinks, it’s all good. As I’ve mentioned, the stoics teach that we should focus on the things within our control. (Sounds like the Serenity Prayer, right? Except the Stoics said it about 2200 years earlier.)

But there is another part that I’ve added and what truly gives me a chance to smile all day.

Saying “Thank You.”

In a rush rush world, saying those magic words, along with an explanation takes less than 20 seconds, but might be the magic someone was waiting for.

“Thank you for holding the door. Since my hands are full, you made something that was going to be a challenge totally easy.”

“Thank you for taking time to review my slides. Your insight will help me deliver a better presentation.”

“Thank you for calling me today. I wasn’t really in a talkative mood, but just hearing your voice really picked me up.”

And it goes on.

Saying thank you can give you as much joy as hearing the words directed at you. And here’s something else (that I have zero data to prove): I think it leads us to do more things that merit a thank you, maybe just so we can hear it again.

So your task today is to get those “Thank Yous” flowing. I’m shooting for 100 in a day. I also want to mentally catalog the things I get pronounce my thanks for. (Actually count those blessings, eh?)

As for the SoD, since I can’t take you to Hawaii or London, all of the SoDs this week will be cities, so we can take an aural journey. Now the pre-SoD makes sense!

And whatever kind of day you’re expecting to have, I hope it’s as good as a baby feels when it’s mama sings a favorite song during bath time.

And thank you for taking the time to read these missives and listen to the SoD. I gladdens my heart to think that I may occasionally write something that helps you put a positive sling on your day and allow the sun to shine just a tad brighter (but not so much as too burn!)

https://youtu.be/xWOlPYIvaKw

Good Morning (Part Deux)!

Today is payday, so here is my updated Payday Playlist (now made with Olestra!)

BTW, for those of you without Spotify accounts: they’re free. You might just have to listen to an ad every hour or so. Just like on the car radio, right? So get off the schnide, baby!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/284xXFbm6l6rZPm6oUkfow?si=xrgEjEhGRXSwSSvq5xvUag

Good morning!

I’m just now getting around to unpacking my stuff from Utah. It’s kinda weird, because most of this stuff was purchased specifically for that townhouse. Therefore, some of the items are redundant at best and interlocutors at worst.

When I sit on the couch and look around, I flash back to when my parents dropped me off at UC Santa Barbara (which as you recall, was in the previous millennium). All of my worldly possessions of note fit in their trunk, and 50% was the stuff in my USMC sea bag given to me by good ole Uncle Samuel.

Somehow, I’ve managed to acquire enough stuff to spread over two states. And keep in mind, I am known to ruthlessly “vote things off the island” when it gets to be too much. (For you Twilight Zone fans, it’s the less spooky version of “wish it into the cornfield.”)

Now I am just as capitalist and consumerist as they come, but come on, man! I love my swag, but I probably would have been happier with a trip to Tokyo, Rio, or Dakar.

The bottom line is that we all should be careful with our acquisitive spirit. Acquire experiences, friendships, and memories. I’m sure it’ll be okay if we leave some stuff at Target for the next schmo.

We probably wouldn’t miss it, especially while looking at our photos on the screensaver while we regale our friends and loved ones with tales of high adventure.

So today’s SoD is a cautionary tale about all that extra stuff that we want but probably don’t need.

BTW, it tickles me the way you crinkle your nose and then look skyward as you search for the correct words to describe the taste of new foods or drinks.

[Editors note: There will be a bonus SoD later this morning just because I’m feeling frisky! 🙂

https://youtu.be/QUntOdgpby8

Good morning!

I’ve been getting my read on lately, and the flood of competing ideas has been quite refreshing and intellectually challenging. This is true more so because, as you may surmise, I read everything from everyplace.

The current boxers in my mental ring are stoicism vs “goblin mode.” While I’ll let you look up the latter, it’s critical that you understand that I am referring to the formal definition of stoicism, which has nothing to do with repressing one’s emotions.

Stoicism teaches that we do not react to good or bad events, rather we react to our interpretations of events. Understanding this allows us to obtain greater happiness by focusing on the things we can change, and deprecating those we can’t.

I can dig that!

On the other hand, there’s goblin mode, which while I find funny and momentarily enticing reject out of hand, and advise you to do likewise. [Caution: The worst vice is advice. Who knows if I know what I’m talking about?!?!]

So today, I will heed the teachings of my good friend, Seneca., who taught us “It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture.” Translation: don’t be a afraid to dive into the deep end of the pool.

Funny thing is that I don’t even know what that means for me today, and I’m okay with that. But I am committed to being in the fray. So exciting!

And guess what? There is always room for you, too. Maybe it’s setting up some lunches to get mentored. Maybe it’s having a talk with some youngsters and telling them the score and helping them succeed.

Maybe it means stopping by Michael’s on the way home and picking up a canvas and paints and seeing what happens. Possibilities are truly endless, so get at it (and turn up the SoD to 11)!

BTW, the guy at the bus stop wearing the beanie and overcoat yelling “You can do it!” That’s me.

https://youtu.be/VDFx8hJY5x8

Good morning!

“You don’t know! You don’t know, do you?”

In high school, I knew a fellow named Christopher Bazelle. Now the fact that Bazelle’s character and even his entire existence as an entity was “hors categorie,” as they say on the Tour de France, was besides the point.

The point is that this one taunt (or maybe it is just “aggressive inquisition”) has stuck with me through the years. I use it to shock myself out of the mental stupor that can occur when I know enough to get by, and maybe think my way to a solution, but I am not completely certain of the path I’m on.

By mentally yelling at myself “you don’t know, do you!?!?”, it forces me to admit the reality of the situation. And that’s where the good stuff begins!

Once I say “I don’t know” (which can be a tough pill to swallow), it is much easier to say other hard things like “I need help. Can you help me please?”

I’m (too) fond of chiding those around me of sometimes being a “tough guy” when I am watching them struggle with a task but obstinately refuse to request assistance. But yours truly is 100% guilty of the same behavior!

So what’s the task for today?

1. If you need help, ask for it.
2. If someone asks for help, give it.

You know what that is? It’s a win-win, baby! So today’s SoD is the best song about being there to help each other out.

Doesn’t a good hug make you feel safe? Carry that feeling in your noggin today.

https://youtu.be/5W-xtHYXE7A

Good morning!

According to my friends at J. P. Morgan Chase, if I sell all of my stock holdings AND give a pint of blood, I might be able to afford a tank of gas today.

I kid, I kid.

But as we were discussing before, perspective matters, right? In fact, I saw one of those type of posters chided by “Dr. Rick” in the Progressive ads that read, “changing your perspective changes your experience.”

Here’s a recent example: Last week, a colleague and I hopped into my car to go to lunch at my favorite Cuban restaurant near work. Wedged into my console was a claim ticket which caused him to ask, “are you wearing “dry clean only” clothes again? The implication being have I broken from the pandemic ways of polo shirts and cotton pants.

Although the answer to his question was yes (don’t judge me), I explained that the ticket was for my tuxedo shoes that I had dropped off for cleaning. There was a moment of flabergastedness as I explained that yes, I own shoes that are only to be worn with a tuxedo.

After an awkward pause, he stated flatly, “you know you’re paying for my lunch, right?”

Perspective! This wasn’t about the appropriateness of shoe wear. It was that if you’re with a joker who has a pair of shoes that he wears exactly once every 365 days, then that guy should definitely be paying for your Lechon Asada (and a cortadito to finish the meal).

Gemstones have many facets, but an expert jeweler figured out how to display the stone to best highlight its features. Give that a try today and see if you can see an extra bit of sparkle.

And trust me on the cortadito.

So the SoD is a groove that will make you say “if Stephen is wearing a tie today (I am), maybe it’s time for me to go back to wearing ‘dry clean only’ clothing, too.” Just a thought.

BTW, I’m secretly applauding when you take your used hangars back to the dry cleaner for recycling. You're such the quiet community leader.

https://youtu.be/RbaGDDbpcQ4

Good morning!

Sometimes it takes blatant irony to remind us that a little perspective matters a lot.

Today, I’m riding mass transit to work while my car is in the shop. (For you aficionados, I take the Red, to the Silver, to the Green, and walk from there.)

On one hand, I’ve always loved public transit. Who doesn’t love a good train? And riding the bus takes me back to being six years old, riding the bus to downtown Milwaukee in the summer with my uncle (who is only five years my senior) to watch B karate films. Three for 99 cents! (The money has always been in the popcorn.)

So it’s not fancy, but it’s definitely nostalgic, and that’s worth a lot of something.

So as you bounce along through your day, change the perspective and see if you can put things in a better light. Sometimes a happy memory is just below the surface waiting to be tapped.

And since we’re talking good memories, today’s SoD will tap that old old school groove as well.

https://youtu.be/jg2vtWezWbw

Good morning!

Bonus time!

No long story today, just the right jam for cleaning up your domicile, picking up bagels, fabric softener, a dozen eggs, and grocery store sushi, maybe washing your car, or just sitting in the sun and reading that James Mitchner novel you’ve been meaning to get around to.

Enjoy your day, and whatever you’re drinking, hoist a toast on my behalf and know there is one right back at ya! 👍🏾

And yes, you are just as cool as Steve McQueen. Trust me. I know things.

https://youtu.be/rUsdFzfLN5Q

Good morning!

This morning, for some odd reason, I awoke thinking about dreams. On one hand I was thinking about the phrase “live your dreams,” and the fact that good or bad, most of us never dreamed anything close to our actual realities.

But then again, I was also thinking about the absolutely wonderful play, “A Raisin in the Sun.” The play is about a Black family in the 50’s trying to live the American Dream, and an examination that it has not always been obtainable for all of us (and in today’s world, that may be true again).

The title of the play comes from a poem by Langston Hughes, titled “Harlem.” Frankly, it’s so good, I’m going to just share it right here:

//

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

//

Powerful, right?

So I was thinking that dreams have to be dealt with. And it’s one thing when they are stifled by others, but what about when we stifle them ourselves. I think Mr. Hughes’ caution still apply.

So today, let’s take a moment to look at those dreams on our lists that are just sitting there and give them close examination. Are they no longer relevant to who you are? Or are you just too much of a scaredy-cat to go after them.

But for goodness sake, don’t let them explode!

Lucky for me, I’m hoping on a plane today, so I get plenty of free “thinking” time to examine my dreams and overall action plan. So the SoD was chosen to work equally well for looking out a plane window or a plain window.

You look like you’re in a road trip movie when you roll the windows down and let the wind flow through your hair! Take a selfie because you’re nailing it!

https://youtu.be/WFrd_HyHf3E

Good morning!

When I become king of the world (or 2nd deputy assistant to the volunteer leader of my neighborhood council), I’m going to take an old bank building (because really, who goes into a bank anymore?), and open a “caper bank.” Groups can sign up to try to break into one of several vaults, ranging from old-timey to state of the art (Yeah, I’m thinking about both versions of The Italian Job. And I also drive a Mini, so there’s that, too.)

So why a caper bank? Because sometimes you are just bursting at the seams with a mix of creativity,  energy, enthusiasm, and just a touch of larceny in your heart. But as the 85 Chicago Bears sang “we’re not here to cause no trouble.” Yet, at that very moment, I walked by with 50 feet of rope and said, “Wanna try to snag the Mona Lisa?” you’d pause in thought…

“Hmmm….I’ve always wanted to be part of a caper!”

So here’s a secret: any of us can pull a caper at any time and feel the rush. One of my favorites is paying for the car behind me at Starbucks and then speeding away. Sometimes (in the pre-pestilence days), I’d randomly bring bottles of water, a bowl of candy, or a bowl of Cuties to a meeting.

Sure, I didn’t get to wear the black turtleneck or sync my watch, but it is fun to inject a random high note into someone’s day when they least expect it.

And there is another secret, too. You’re gonna feel like the coolest kid in the 9th grade, or maybe like that awesome dude at the gym who always re-racks his weights and wipes down the equipment.

Bottom line is that the fastest way to feel awesome is to try to help someone else feel awesome. Four out of five doctors recommend it! (The fifth was playing Wordle and didn’t respond to the survey).

So for today’s SoD, I’m dipping into my nearly infinite supply of caper music to set the mood.

And yeah, I love the way you look in the black turtleneck. A blend of cool cat and cat burglar (with just the slightest hint of Beat poet!) Tres chic!

https://youtu.be/4dsk-MCGr1U